I was recently hanging out with a guy friend of mine and I mentioned that I was working out, eating healthier, and consciously trying to lose weight. He mentioned that some guys like curvy girls and that I should keep that in mind when connecting with someone online. I got feisty and said, “Geez, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t! Some guys don’t like me because I’m too plus sized and now I have to worry about losing too much weight for others?” I felt as if it was a no-win situation. But he got me thinking. I need to embrace my curves.

My weight has fluctuated over the years and during the heavier moments in my life, I’ve worried that no guys would be attracted to me. I realize as I’ve gotten older: there will always men who will be attracted to me, and there will always be some that aren’t. Period. That’s just a fact, no matter what size I am. You must know what I mean. For those of us who’ve grown up looking at fashion magazines, we’ve been conned into believing that we should look like the models in the magazines. But, the reality is that most of the models are under the age of 17 and have barely hit puberty. Try fitting a 40-year-old woman into clothing designed for a teenager. Exactly. It doesn’t work. And it shouldn’t.

When I go to speed dating or surf online for potential dates, I usually aim for the 40+ crowd of men. Why? Because the majority of these men are, arguably, less focused on the superficial and more focused on the inside. Yes, there has to be an attraction, but I have generally found that the older men are less focused on my big butt and more focused on my big heart. Listen, I’m a curvy girl and no matter how much weight I lose, I’m still going to have curves. And gosh darn it, I’m ok with it and I embrace my curves! I’m determined to get healthier and more fit, but I don’t mind being womanly in my physique. I think all of you women reading this should embrace who you are, as well, and ignore the stereotypes of who you think you should be. I know. It is easier said than done.

But, if I could talk to my 25-year-old self, I would say, “Self, don’t worry so much about the makeup and the clothes and stilettos. Rely upon what is important, which is your kindness and compassion for others.” So, to the men out there: please be kind to us curvy women. Embrace us, love us, and remind us every day that we’re special, because we are, and to you curvy women out there, embrace your curves!!